ईञ्जिनियरका जोकहरु

गत चैत्रका अन्तिम तीन दिन काठमाण्डौंमा आयोजित नेपाल ईञ्जिनीयर्स एशोशियशनको बाह्रौं राष्ट्रिय सम्मेलनमा सहभागी भएको थिएँ। मैले पनि जापान छँदा गरेका कामहरु समेटिएको एउटा कार्यपत्र पनि पेश गरेको थिएँ। सम्मेलनको Theme थियो Empowering Engineers for Prosperous Nepal। मूल विषयको शीर्षक अनुसारनै थिए धेरैजसो कार्यपत्रहरु, नेपालमा ईञ्जिनियरिङ्गलाई सशक्त र सम्मानित बनाउन राजनीतिक, कानूनी र सामाजिक क्षेत्रमा गर्नुपर्ने कामहरु समेटिएका थिए तिनमा। ज्यादै थोरै भने विशुद्ध प्राविधिक थिए, मेरो पनि तिनैमध्येको थियो। सम्बन्धित विषयमा काम गर्ने बाहेक अरुले नबझ्ने 'विशुद्ध प्राविधिक' विषय भएकाले स्रोता/दर्शक कम होलान् भन्ने लागेको थियो तर शुरुदेखि अन्त्यसम्म उत्साहजनक सहभागिता थियो। मैले पनि विषयवस्तुलाई सकेसम्म सरल ढंगले पेश गर्ने कोशिश गरें। 

नेपाल ईञ्जिनीयर्स एशोशियशन, भन्नलाई ईञ्जिनीयरहरुको एकता र पेशागत हक-हितका लागि भनिए पनि यहाँभित्र ब्यापक 'राजनीति' हुन्छ। यथार्थ यो संगठनको पेशागत पाटोलाई राजनीतिको पाटोले पूरै ओझेलमा पारेको छ।   

यति हुँदा-हुँदै पनि ती दिनमा सहभागी भईएका केहि सत्रहरुमा केहि अत्यन्त उत्कृष्ट प्रस्तुतिहरु हेर्ने मौका मिल्यो र समग्रमा मेरा लागि यो सम्मेलन फलदायी रहेको मानेको छु मैले।

कार्यक्रमका कार्यपत्र प्रस्तोतहरु स्वयंले पनि ईञ्जिनियरहरु र ईञ्जिनियरिङ्ग पेशासम्बन्धी थुप्रै जोकहरु मिसाएर रमाईलो गरेका थिए। अन्तिम दिन (चैत्र ३०) साँझको सांस्कृतिक कार्यक्रमको उद्घोषण गर्ने रेडियो कान्तिपुरका आर. जे. हेम सुवेदीले पनि ईञ्जिनियरहरुलाई पात्र बनाईएका थुप्रै जोकहरु सुनाएका थिए। 

हुनत, जोकको मामिलामा म पनि साथीहरुमाझ 'चर्चित'नै मानिन्छु, तर त्यहाँका धेरै जोकहरु मेरा लागि नयाँनै थिए।

आउनुस्, त्यो कार्यक्रमका केहि र अरु केहि जोकहरु पढेर हाँस्नुहोस् तपाईँपनि।    

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'ईञ्जिनियरलाई कसरी चिन्ने?'

- जुन मान्छेका खेलौना उसका बच्चाहरुका खेलौनाभन्दा पनि बढी छन्, त्यो मान्छे ईञ्जिनीयर हो।

- जुन मान्छेलाई http:// को पूर्ण रुप थाहा छ, त्यो मान्छे ईञ्जिनियर हो।

- जो मान्छे ई-मेलबाट प्राप्त हुने जोकमात्र पढ्छ त्यो पक्का पनि ईञ्जिनियर हो। 

- जो मान्छे आफ्नी श्रीमतीलाई चिनाऊँदा mylady@home.wife भनेर चिनाऊँछ, सम्झिनुस् त्यो ईञ्जिनियर बाहेक अरु केहि हुनै सक्दैन।

अरु जोकहरुलाई भने अंग्रेजीमै राखौं।

A Train Ticket

An accountant and engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were both accounting and engineering majors. Each of the engineering majors had his/her own train ticket. But the accountants had only ONE ticket for all of them. The engineers started laughing and snickering. The accountants ignored the laughter.

Then, one of the accountants said, "Here comes the conductor". All of the accountants piled into the bathroom. The engineers were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and collected tickets from all the engineers. He went to the bathroom, knocked on the door, and said "Ticket please". An accountant stuck their only ticket under the door. The conductor took the ticket and left. A few minutes later, the accountants emerged from the bathroom. The engineers felt really stupid.

On the way back from the convention, the group of engineering majors had ONE ticket for their group. They started snickering at the accountants, who had NO tickets amongst them. When the accountant lookout shouted "Conductor coming!", all the accountants again piled into a bathroom. All of the engineers went into another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the accountants left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said "Ticket please". 

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Four Engineers and a Broken Car

There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer. "Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system." "I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead." They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?" 

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Surgeons Know Best about Engineers

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The Third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable." Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

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Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''

Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''

The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'' 
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र अन्त्यमा यो; 

There was this male engineer, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean for the first time. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand an foot. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.
The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beech stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came this rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in 4 months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal quality. She spotted him also as he was waving and yelling and screaming to get her attention. She rowed her boat towards him.
In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from? How did you get here"?
She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank"
"Amazing", he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? Where, did you get the rowboat? You must have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you?"
"It is only me", she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up, nothing else did."
"Well then", said the man, "how did you get the rowboat?"
I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island, replied the woman. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".
"But, but, asked the man, what about tools and hardware, how did you do that?"
"Oh, no problem, replied the woman, on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that If I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that, she said. Where do you live?"
At last the man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach.
"Well, let's row over to my place, she said." So they both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.
The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
"It's not much, she said, but I call it home. Sit down please, would you like to have a drink?"
"No, said the man, one more coconut juice and I will puke."
"It won't be coconut juice, the woman replied, I have a still, how about a Pina Colada? Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After a while, and they had exchanged their stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"
"No", the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship". "Well if you would like to shave, there is a man's razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." So, the man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bath room. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down stairs..
"You look great, said the woman, I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable." So she did.
And, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman returned wearing fig leafs strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia."Tell me, she asked, we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and woman need. Something that it would be really nice to have right now."
"Yes there is, the man replied, as he moved closer to the woman while fixing a winsome gaze upon her, "Tell me ... Do you happen to have an Internet connection?"